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 not related to the band, but rather the words themselves, which are fitting. 

i think my grandma is going to die soon. 

she went into the hospital again last night, this time from not being able to breathe. for those of you who don’t know, my grandma has been using oxygen tanks since she was in critical condition (and expected to die) in february 2009. then, she broke her hand in september 2012 and had to go into a physical rehabilitation center (similar to a nursing home) that she was probably never going to leave- until they proved to have bad living conditions and she got pneumonia and got to go home in november. her broken hand never healed because of the way it’s broken, and her health was too bad for them to do surgery on. she can't really do anything without my grandpa’s help (including going to the bathroom).

and i really think it's near the end. and i’m okay with that. i think. i mean, people were trying to prepare me for her death back in 2009- and i was really, really young then, young and scared and fuckin' confused. i’m so grateful that i got more time and now i’m older and i know that she had a really long life and that she’s in a ton of pain and i’m sad as hell but i can accept it. probably a lot better than i would have a few years ago. 

the hardest part will probably be seeing my dad in pain, because that’s just so hard for me to imagine. i just don’t know how this will affect his life overall (and ultimately, mine). sigh, sigh. 

this all makes me sound more mature than i feel. 

on more sunny topics, my essays in my student council application were apparently "outstanding amongst [my] class" and so i got in! woo, resume, and all that. my brother brought down that excitement by informing me that being on student council means that i have to be more social next year. oh, joy. 

x maggie